A few years ago I attended a church member’s relative funeral. The pastor, giving the eulogy, used a lot of words but two sentences registered. He said there’s one way in and one way out. Second, he said it’s not how long you live but what is the quality of the life you live. He was saying you can live and be so sick that you are not really living. Sometimes we equate longevity with a good life but his distinction helped me to see clearer that living is the capacity to engage and be engage.
I asked my bible study group, this past week, if there child was brain dead for several weeks and on life support could they pull the plug. A group of diverse people racially and gender wise answered differently. Everyone said yes except my two black mothers. I, a black mother too, also knew that I had struggled with this question. I’m not sure of my own capabilities. Somewhere I still have this belief in the impossible. However, my partner, who is also a black mother says she could. It’s not an easy decision but it seemed so hard for the black mothers in the room.
I think people tend to hold on to a lot of in life. It seems to be in our DNA. We hold on to good and bad memories. Some of us hold on to hurt real good. We hold on to those we love. We hold on to those we love deeply even when the situation seems less than ideal. We hold on to promises and hope. Depending on what we are holding on to we can be pulled down or ignited out. But I try to ponder the ways in which we hold on, to journey to Bobbi Krsitina’s family keeping her on life support. And if this were me, would I be holding on as well?
It was posted on the internet that Bobbi Kristina celebrated another birthday which gets me back to the pastor’s comment about the quality of life. Did she eat cake or blow out candles? What did she do? Oh no I forgot she’s in an induced coma. It seems like Bobbi isn’t living. Based on the doctor’s reports she’s not brain dead. The road back is so hard and far and uphill and she’s shown no signs of being up for the journey. When they tried to take her out of the coma it did not work. The quality of her life is being compromised. Maybe, and only in such instance when life isn’t life, it’s okay to let go.