The last two years I have a asked folks to post on social media memorable sayings from their mothers. And every year this post gets the greatest feedback. It’s amazing how some of our moms shared the exact same words, like there is a mom bank where you can go and get this stuff. There is humor and joy and love and sometimes strife and pain all wrapped up in our mother’s saying. The soil is rich and it is us their harvest and seeds planted that came to life.
Our mother’s had a lot of advice mostly because they had lived, they had loved us and a few others, and they wanted, often, the best for us. It’s such a unique position to have the opportunity to mold and shape and impact your own child. Your dreams and your hopes are exercised and sometimes even lived out all through these little blueprints walking around. And yet it grows complicated as you try to shelter your children from the not so pleasant things and situations you have experienced in the world.
I realize now my mother was even trying to give me advice on love. She wasn’t necessarily coming from the best place. And where you are coming from impacts what you say and offer to your offspring. And I realized now that she was trying to save me from her own set of experiences. She was trying to make her choice and consequences right through me. She wanted the best for me but operating out of a broken heart frequently taints one’s perspective.
My mama’s love advice sounded like a lunatic but anyone sounds like a lunatic when you have not experienced love for yourself. When you cross over into love business you are on a whole other plateau. Love compounds everything and you stay when you absolutely should leave. Love not only holds our heart but anchors our feet right where we are. Love’s grip is the strongest I know. And once in it’s grip logic flies out the door. Love is absolutely a charge that gives you a high; some might say it’s addictive. Because it is so powerful and emotional it can also be the downfall of you. Some individuals have never recovered from the blows of love.
My mama would say, as it related to love, friends are not to be trusted and they will take your man. She felt like friends impeded your success in relationships. I knew that friend had hurt her and it was with my Dad. But back then friendship was a better endeavor than my own biological family so this advice fell on rocky soil. I never really believe it and simply listing allowing it to never linger in my thought bank. I could see my mother believed it in her actions and lack of friends. And I ignorantly lamented for her journey without friends. I know love now and I better understand her dilemma.
Not everything our parents says to us is worth picking, bringing into our abode, and putting in vase of water on our dinner table. Some things in our mother’s garden are weeds. Sometimes without knowing what weed looks like we pull them up anyway. I don’t begrudge my mother as I have given advice that I hope my son will trash some day too. I’m getting better at seeing the beauty but recognizing what needs not come in the house. I am grateful for having had a mother and glad I have lived long enough to see her as a person beyond her flaws who has great faith and tenacity. Happy Mother’s Day again Mom.